In the Eyes of a Mental Illness
If mental illness had a face and consciousness what would it be? Would it be a woman or a man? Would it be kind or evil? Would it be human? Every person who has seen through the eyes of mental illness has seen a different picture, each one unique. When I look through the eyes of mental illness, this is what I see. I see pain, fear, loss and struggle. I witness sadness, fatigue, hopelessness and anxiety.
Mental illness is an evil creature that steals you away when you least expect it. It does not care where or when, it just takes. It finds your weakness and uses it. It bites your skin leaving holes that catch the infection, slowly decomposing your body until it no longer remains yours.
Some days you walk around feeling like someone else. There are restless nights where you lay staring into the darkness. Or tossing and turning, crying out for help. I have laid on my bathroom floor in the fetal position because it’s the only place to hide without prying eyes. There is no safety. Safety is a foreign word.
The fear comes both at night and during the day. You never know when your mood will shift to loss of all hope. The thought of continuing through until tomorrow is overwhelming. All hope is lost. The only thing you can do is lay in bed. There is no strength to get up.
Then there are the days when you are afraid to leave the house. Your fear and anxiety take over your life. I have had days when my pantry was barren, however leaving the house was too painful. I would rather go without eating and feel hungry than take on seeing another human being.
This is how looking through the eyes of mental illness looks like for me. My unique perspective, is mine alone. But mental illness through your eyes can take on a similar monster or one different. We might have a different monster but we are all the same. We have seen the thing called mental illness through its eyes and lived to talk about it.
We need to teach others that the monster is real and not our faults. We were born with the dark shadows of mental illness following us. We are stronger than that monster. Scream it loud and clear, you will not take me mental illness, not today and not tomorrow! I might live the rest of my days with your shadow following me but I will win this fight. Just remember we are in this together. Let’s hold each other up. With support we kick that monsters butt!